Oversharing: Protect your peace

Everybody doesn't need access to your personal life.

Hear me when I say the dangers of oversharing is real and the importance of privacy, and how setting healthy boundaries on social media is necessary, for peace and healing. 

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What up, Doe, and welcome back to the Ring Your My Podcast with your girl Key, where you know I'm gonna give you news you can use, and I feel like I've entertained y'all enough, and now it's time for business. Something that we can really resonate on. Today we're talking about oversharing. This is probably gonna piss some off, and it's probably gonna help some people, but I promise you, it's not personal, but it is relatable. How much are we sharing? Or are we oversharing? Everybody doesn't need to know everything. That's my take on it. So, right now, stop what you're doing, think about it, ask yourself if you really even want to hear this. If this is something that relates to you, stay tuned in. If it doesn't relate to you, go ahead. Log off, switch over to somebody else, go listen to another podcast. But I promise you, out of the 8 million people who use social media, I'm pretty sure some of you can learn something here today. I just want to give y'all my take on it. So we all know social media and the many platforms that exist today has convinced us that everybody needs to know everything. Where we are, who we're dating, oh my goodness, who we're dating. We post everybody, and I say we, not that I do this, but I'm including myself because I am on social media and I share, but not everything. I don't overshare. Everybody don't need to know who you're dating, where you're going all the time, while you're there. Share it after you leave. What we bought, what we're planning, and every disagreement we're going through. The disagreements is really what gets me, y'all. Like, how do you argue with people that you know in real life? Argue with them strangers, fuss and go about and engage with them because that's entertainment, I guess. But why are we literally having full-blown conversations, arguments, and situations with people that we live in the house with or we know or we love or up the street, went to school with, mothers, sisters, brothers. That irks me more than anything in the world to see relatives having a whole argument, a whole fallout on social media. Now, granted, sometimes you have to put people in their place. And you and if they if they brought it there, you may have to respond there. I've been there, I've done that. I've had to give people the business who brought it there. But are we gonna stay there? We're gonna go back and forth there? Nah, we're not. I'm gonna go on here and let you know what I got going on, what I think, what I think about what you think, and I'm gonna keep it moving. Because you know where I live, maybe. I know where you live, maybe, but you know my number. Call me. Let's talk about it. We don't have to talk about it with a a million and one eyes watching and putting their unsolicited opinions on what we should be talking about in private. But everybody watching you is not supporting you. Because they're just there for the entertainment. Some people are collecting your information, not because they care, but because they're curious, they want enough details to discuss about your life with other people who don't even know you. Gossip. Drama, keeping stuff going. Over sharing can happen when we're excited, lonely, angry, or simply looking for validation. But sometimes we reveal too much because we want someone to understand us, we want someone to relate to what we're going through. We want to put our story out there and tell us all of our business so somebody can say, Oh yeah, girl, oh yeah, guy, me too. That happened to me too. Said she hates being a parent. Or she hates being a mama. You got kids, girl. What do you mean? If this is your way of expressing yourself, are you thinking about what them kids may see later? Are you thinking about how CPS or the police even can use this against you? Your enemies can use this against you. Call CPS on you, have your kids taken out of your house when you may just be having a moment, and you may not really mean that you hate your children, but that's how it came off. That's how it looks like you hate being a mama. Then why did you become one? You had a choice, unless you were raped, unless it was by force, you had a choice. Everybody has a choice. There's no such thing as a child by mistake, unless you're on birth control, you got raped, and you just was doing everything to practice safe sex or not uh abstaining from sex, and that would be Mary and Jesus. We only know one person that got pregnant without having sex that we know of and heard of in history, and it's not none of us. So that to me is grounds for mental illness, interaction, intervention, possibly incarceration, because what's gonna happen to these kids when you have another bad day? So I based a lot of this conversation around that. Privacy is not secrecy, people. Privacy is protection. You not only protect your emotions and the outcome when you express those emotions, but you protect your integrity and your character. You may be a good person that's just going through something right now, and you may not mean what you say, but when you put it out there, when you put it in the atmosphere, when you put it on social media, when you share it, overshare it, overshare it, overshare it with the world, you're not protected anymore. It's everybody's business. It's free game. And you know one of the things that irks me the most is when I see people make statuses and then say, get out of my business. What do you mean? Get out of your business. You just made this everybody's business. Or they get upset and angry when you form an opinion that doesn't align with what they think it should be, and now they engage in a whole argument. You gotta go 50-60 comments just to get some clarity on what the argument was even about because it done went left so bad. That's crazy to me. You do not have to announce every relationship while it is still developing. You're in a new relationship. You don't have to tell them people you love them to the world, you don't have to post every picture, you ain't gotta share every event, you ain't gotta share everything he or she does for you, you don't have to share every time y'all go out, you don't have to. You're developing that can sometimes turn people off. Not because they're trying to hide you, not because they got another situation going on, not because they're married, not because they want to be out here being a player or being a gold digger or whore or whatever it is, you know, y'all want to call women. Not because we are not satisfied with what we have, it's because we're developing, we're trying to get to know the situation, we're trying to get to know the person, and we don't need seven, eight million people times two because everybody got two eyeballs read, forming an opinion about what they think we're gonna be. That's Clarissa and Pebbles. They're developing, they're two years in, they got a sticky situation. They're not bad people, probably. They're just in a bad situation that doesn't require everybody to have known their business. And it's hard when you're a celebrity or when you're popular or famous. People are going to get your business. That's what that's how they thrive on getting gossip and finding these people's business to slander them and make everything so big and unnecessary because that's what media is. But sometimes we have to learn how to just be quiet, just be private, not necessarily secretive, just private. You don't have to post every disagreement before you've had time to calm down. Calm down and think about it. And we are all guilty of it. I'm guilty of it myself. I went off on people that I cared about or that I thought cared about me. Um, just in an instance of emotion where I'm like, oh, let me let me clap back. Who do you think you are to go off on me in public and and and tell a lie or elaborate on what you think is my life? Oh, let me clap back. And sometimes you just have to calm down because it's not even, but you actually don't. And it's not saying that you can't acknowledge your vision, your path, but have that stuff planned out already. It took me years, years before, maybe about two or three years before I first decided to publish my first book that I've had written for years. I just kept tweaking and tweaking and tweaking, and I still made mistakes. I still had imperfections that I saw. You know, the world may not see it, but I saw it, and I was like, oh goodness. But I had took so long, and I'm like, why did I miss this? Why'd this happen? Not because I was in a rush, not because I didn't pay attention, I just relied on other people to put out my vision um and edit and tweak, and they didn't they didn't do the job that I trusted them to do. So I should have just scaled back and paid attention. Sometimes we just have to scale back and pay a little bit more attention. We don't have to advertise. I see a lot of uh upcoming rappers and um content creators, and they they go self-acknowledging themselves. Oh, I'm this, I'm that, I'm this, I'm that. Are you? Have you even gotten enough content to say you're this or that? Have you even put out enough material? Have you put your tracks in the right hands who can actually tell you what you need to be doing or don't need to be doing, if this is good or not good, or if it's gonna be played, not played. Have you done that? Or you just you're gonna go out here and every time you turn around, you're gonna drop something, you're gonna post it. You're not gonna work on it, you're just gonna start sharing stuff, just just sharing it because you feel like that's gonna make you great. No practice, perfection, failure, modifying privately makes you great. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror at you and just say, hey, what do I want to fix? What do I want to do? Before you you put it out there to the world, you don't have to prove nothing to everybody, you don't have to prove to everybody that you're doing well by showing everybody what you have or what you got going on before it's even yours or before it's even really something to be bragging about going on. You want them sealed and it's finished, and then you share, then you then you put it out there because you want to you want to gain followers who are following something. A lot of times I see a lot of people, they'll put out a hundred ideas in one week, and they won't follow through with anything. But you still have people jumping on and latching on and following and saying, Oh, well, you know, I I got you, this and that, and the third, but it's not gonna make you a dive, it's not gonna elevate you any because your credibility is shot. You you you never you never really follow through with anything, it just looks good. Come on, y'all. Just because it's a Facebook friend or just because it's a uh follower, doesn't necessarily mean those people like you. Doesn't necessarily mean they're there to support you, doesn't necessarily mean that they are there to elevate you, doesn't necessarily mean that they are there to be your friend. I've always said that I wish Mark would change that and say Facebook follower or Facebook acquaintance. Give a friend. Some people follow you just to copy you, some people follow you just to find fault in you, some people follow you just to create discord and what you have going on. Some people follow you just to destroy you, to gossip about you, lie on you, destroy your character. They're not always your friends, but we confuse it and we want to go out here and buy bots and buy checks and have people following us because we need 30,000, 40,000 followers, right? To get $22.19 on the 22nd of every month if we mess around and share something that actually gets a little attention, right? And we all know normally that's gossip drama and uh negativity. That's what's gonna yield us the most, right? Are those people that's following us really friends? Or do they just like BS? You gotta ask yourself that sometimes. Because many, many people have thousands and thousands of people following them, but that does not mean they deserve access to your personal life. If you're out here selling bean pies, put on your page about it, share that for the most part. I'm a podcaster and I still don't share everything that I talk about that that goes on in my life. I don't talk about it. Um, I may talk about what's going on in the world, I may talk about what's going on in my neighborhood, I may talk about what's going on in my job, I may talk about what's going on in the airport when I'm sitting there and I'm listening to other people's business, but it's not gonna always be my personal business. Everybody doesn't need access to your personal life. Some of these celebrities I look and I see, and I'm like, y'all follow, and I'm like, uh, this is the weirdest thing ever. Like, they tell everything that goes on with them who you're sleeping with, what you care about, when you're mad, when you're already that shit ain't cute. It's not cute, but we have made that so normal to overshare everything. Like, why do everybody need to be in your house with a camera and following when you go to the bathroom? Why? Why do we make this normal? Why do we begin to make reality shows and not taking away from nobody's hustle and what they got going on or what they sold to these to these uh networks? But let's think about it. People, when you look around, majority ain't see this stuff, this stuff gonna still be out here somewhere. Somebody's gonna be able to find your dirt somewhere, and that creates so much mental instability to me for people to know everything about you. It's enough we got satellites all over the world and everybody listening anyway, but then we're gonna go and we're gonna put a camera in our house and put a camera in our kids' face and put a camera in everybody's business, every everywhere we go, where we shop, where we eat, where we sleep, everything, who we lay with, everything. That's crazy to me. Why are we sharing this? Who truly needs to know? Have we gotten to a point in society where another person's demise, their gossip, their drama, their failures, their heartaches, their heartbreaks, um, their cheating, their lies, their arrests, uh, their addictions have become fascinating to us? Have we gotten to that society that we don't care about educators and we don't care about scholars and we don't care about uh college, we don't care about legacy, we don't care about reading, we don't care about math, economics, ergonomics, environment. We don't care about none of that anymore. All we care about is who the next person's sleeping with, who they're dating. All we care about is entertainment, all we care about is lies, all we care about is drama. Who needs to know all this about you? Ask yourself that. And will you be comfortable with hearing it 10 years from now? Will you be comfortable knowing that you share all of this at this age 20, 30 years from now? Will you be comfortable with your parents seeing that you put this out there? Will you be comfortable with your future spouse knowing you put this out there? Will you be comfortable with your children knowing you put this out there? Will you be comfortable with your employers knowing you put this out there? Will you be comfortable because y'all a lot of times y'all lose out on stuff because your employers have looked at your pages? They've seen you twerking, they've seen you busting it wide open, they've seen you spraying money down your arm, they've seen you throwing up the signs, they've seen you fighting and posting nothing but fight videos, they've seen you argue with your family, they've seen all of this, and no nobody wants to hire you, nobody got time for that. Nobody wants to hear all that and see all that. Because if you like this with your own people, if you like this in your personal life, what you gonna be like in my workplace? Nobody wants to be bothered with that. Ask yourself when you post, am I speaking from peace or reacting from emotion? A lot of times we I can I can post something and have 50 people respond that I don't know. I'll just delete it. Not because your voice don't matter, but when I click on now, see if you got two followers, you a bot, and I I'm not I'm gonna discern whether or not I want to even have this type of engagement. No, I know deleting deleting those bots and deleting that type of engagement probably lessens my numbers and my algorithm, but who cares? I said what I said and I put it out there and it's out there for a reason, but I don't need I don't need the type of engagement that's gonna grow me a hundred thousand negative followers if that's not what I intended. If I didn't intend for a hundred thousand negative people to come for me, then why I need to keep you talking to me over here? That's not what that's for. Find out where where you are coming from when you're speaking and you're posting. Are you coming from peace or emotion? Are you mad at your baby mother, your baby father, and right now you want to go on social media and you want to blast them and embarrass them and you want to show out, or do you want to calm down and pick up the phone and call them, have a conversation, text them? I'll text 5,000 words and will never answer my phone, but God doggone it, you read it, it's gonna be there. You've seen it, I seen the delivery, I seen you read it, and I'm done. I done said what I had to say. Do I have to go over there and do it on social media with you? No. Do I have to overshare with 8 million people with two eyeballs if they got two? No, I don't. Because why? Who truly needs to know that? Me and the person that has the issue. That's about it. You can be authentic without telling everything, you can share your testimony, you can share your pain without reopening every woman. Because somebody can relate. It's somebody out there that can relate to everything. We all have struggle, we all have heartache, we all have pain, we all get tired, we all get stressed out, we all have financial problems, we all have marital and relationship problems, we all have problems with our children if we have any, we all have problems with our parents, we all have problems. Everybody has a relatable situation in this world if you're breathing and living in this world. But do you have to actually put it out there for everybody to formulate an opinion and then you get mad about it? You may authentically be going through, but doesn't mean you have to open up and let everybody come in with you. You can inspire people without giving them unlimited access to you. You can share your story, you can post content without giving people your business. You you it's third-party talking, people. You can you can always be uplifting the people without having this happen to me too. Especially when I work in women's care and I see women just going through things they didn't have to go through. I want to sit down and grab their hands and be like, oh my goodness, um yeah, girl, leave him. He did blase blase. But we can't. We took an oath that says we won't insert our personal lives, our personal issues, and our personal opinions when we're giving care. We have to be empathetic without being sympathetic and over-emotional and over-sharing. Sometimes you just have to listen. You just have to listen. Say nothing and just listen. And once you realize you have shared too much, you don't have to keep explaining yourself. Change the boundaries. Stop providing updates. Stop saying what's understood don't have to be explained, but then you go and explain it. What the? And then you keep talking about it for days and days and 50,000 comments later, you go live for two hours and then you come back. The next day and you're live again. This why you are allowed to become more private as you grow. As you grow and realize that I didn't need to do this, I didn't need to, I didn't need to continue to have this conversation with this person. I didn't need to share this. I didn't need everybody to know who I'm laying up with, who I'm dating, or who first of all, everybody they see you post and you say you love and da da da and this is my love of my life, this is my person, they're gonna assume you're sleeping with them anyway, whether you whether you're doing it or not. What does that look like? What does that look like for you? And I know a lot of y'all probably gonna say, oh well, I ain't here to prove myself to nobody, and I don't care what people think about me. Yes, you do. Everybody do. Even though we might not care to the extent of another, and it might not make us lose sleep at night, but you still want to keep your character in in uh intact. You want to keep your personality, who you are, who you were raised to be, who who you want to be perceived as. You want to keep that intact. You don't you don't want people looking at you all strange all the time. That's a part of maturity. Maturity teaches us that every victory doesn't need an announcement, every problem doesn't need an audience. Now I'm big on celebrating every victory. I'm big on it. Little ones, big ones. But I don't always announce every victory. Just because I celebrate it don't mean I have to announce it. Sometimes you have to keep some stuff private. Celebrate in private. Sometimes you don't need the gender reveal and the baby shower to make social media. Sometimes you don't need the new person you're dating to make social media. Sometimes you don't need the relocation and the new job to make social media. Not yet. Not quite yet. Sometimes you just need to baste and enjoy and celebrate privately before you start announcing to the world and giving everybody access to what God is still developing you to have access to. Because trust and believe everything that you tapped into don't mean you necessarily gonna stay tapped there. And maturity will teach you that. I promise you it will. Every question that people ask you don't deserve an answer. Sometimes people will come for you and they will comment and they will make com make statements just because they want you to bite the bait. We ain't gotta go fishing on social media every day. Some people you just say, okay. I'll give some people five paragraphs, and then sometimes I'll just say, okay, you gotta know when. And sometimes I won't say shit. Like post what you want to post, say what you want to say, do what you're gonna do. If I keep it here, I'm gonna just keep it there and let you have that. If I go over there to your page and say whatever I want to say and you have a problem with it, I'm gonna just let you have that if I'm done. I ain't gotta keep explaining myself and going back and forth with you because I've said what I said, and it's gonna be what I said, whether you like it or don't like it. That's what I'm giving you. And you just be done. Keep something to yourself sometime. Protect your relationship, protect your ideas, protect your family, protect your healing, and protect your freaking peace. It's so unpeaceful to be popular. It is. It's so unpeaceful to be famous. Do y'all not see these people around here losing their mind who got millions and millions of dollars and they still unhappy? They're still committing suicide, they're still using substance to numb them themselves from the real world because they don't know what the real world looks like. They don't know it doesn't exist for them anymore. Their peace is gone, their privacy is gone. It's not protected. And you know, I I I favor famous and people and celebrities and stuff who keep their private lives. Malcolm Jamal Warren is one of um the examples I want to use. Nobody even knew that man had a kid. I mean, a lot of people didn't know nothing about him. A wife, we was like, what? We had to wait till he was unalive. Tragically, accidentally unalived before we even knew this man's business. And I find it so disheartening that his example protect your family, protect your healing, protect your peace. Healing doesn't necessarily come by way of you running your mouth, literally. Sometimes your healing means you need to sit and you need to reflect. Sometimes your healing means you need to talk to the person that hurt you. Sometimes your healing means you need to look at your part in the situation. Take accountability. Your healing doesn't always come by you spewing and dragging the next person or telling one side of the story and you haven't looked at why this happened in the first place. And sometimes there is no answer to the why. Sometimes people just messed up for no reason, and they just treat people bad for no reason. But that don't mean everybody needs to know it and form an opinion, especially when you have children. I feel like when children are involved, you should protect the fact that those kids are gonna grow up, those kids are gonna want to know both sides, and you should respect the fact these are the people you had children with, you chose to have children with. We all get in our feelings sometimes, and we all want to have somebody relate to us and share the pain and share the hurt with us, but it doesn't mean that we always have to put it out there in a malicious form. We have to learn how to mature, grow, and respect our peace while respecting others and respecting yourself. Because again, everybody listening is not listening with love, everybody is not willing to give you constructive criticism. That's that's love. Don't get offended when people tell you what they see, because the way you see it and the way they see it may not always align and be the same. But if a person is willing to give you constructive criticism and it's not malicious and it's not hateful, and it's not coming from a place of envy or jealousy, you should take that, not with a grain of salt. You should take that like a watermelon, make it big in your life, be prideful about it, because that information is sweet. They didn't want to hurt you, they know they needed to tell you something that you might didn't like in order to heal you, to help you heal. That's listening from love. But when people are not listening from love and they always want to keep sharing and jumping in inboxes, sharing with groups and gossiping about you behind your back and steady egging on something that they know is foolish, I'm not gonna ever see and respect a person who sees people arguing with their their relatives, loved ones, um, people they have children by or whatnot, and they egging it on and going on. No, say what you're gonna say, do what you're gonna do, tell them people how this is looking. And if they don't want to, if they don't want to take heed to it, just stop talking, just stop dealing with it. Let them deal with it on their own and figure it out. Because you have come from a place of patience of that in the long run. That's what everything, not just your relationships, your houses, your kids. I've seen people share um their whole home. Like you take a picture of every freaking thing in your house, every freaking thing in your yard, everything in your neighborhood, then you get robbed. Well, what'd you think was gonna happen? I mean, uh well, I guess she wasn't thinking that was gonna happen, but come on, why does anybody need to know all of that? Why do people need to know every single thing you drive? Why does eight million people that you have no control over, you have no knowledge of what is going on in their head, need to know every time you break up with somebody? Maybe they in their head they might think, oh, you're beautiful, you post this, you post that. Now I want to swoop in and you you turn them down, and now they stalking, and now you unalive. Don't do it, don't let everybody know your your vulnerable places in life. Everybody don't need to know what you got going on. Keep some things private, keep some things private. You may not have to be a secret. I mean, if you know you're a secret, you'll know you're a secret if you just uh they don't ever want to bring you outside. But if you outside and you having a good time and your life is good, and you once you establish that this works for you both, you both, because it's two people in relationships, it's two people in partnership, then you you go live if you want to. But don't do it prematurely, don't always overshare everything. We have become such an oversharing society. People gotta share everything they eat, everything. Now, mind you, if you're a critic and you're a foodie, you're a podcaster, you're a vlogger, and that's your that's what you do, you share food, you share it, but every meal it not just a regular person, and I never really got into how people can watch a whole page of nothing but somebody eating every day, like they're eating every day. Are you testing something? No. Are you trying out something? Are you doing a review on something? No, you're just pulling up a plate and you're eating food every day, just glutton, just getting big for no reason. I never understood that. I have I can't follow nobody. I tried to follow the lady who did the sauce. I can't remember what it was. I think it was like the pink sauce or the hot sauce or something like that. But I I ran across it when it popped up on my timeline, and I was like, I like spicy stuff. So I wanted to order the sauce, and when I clicked on her page, and I seen that she was just eating so disgusting, so disgustingly, I was like, who can follow this? And she had like five, six hundred thousand followers of people just watching you eat nasty for no reason. That's that's weird to me. That's so weird, but again, that's what we do. We overshare, and we find anything to overshare. Oh, my toenails, bro. Let me let me take a picture of my toes every day. Just anything. Come on, people. We got bigger things to worry about, we got better things to worry about in this world with as much as going on right now. We definitely have bigger stuff to worry about than sharing every little thing, every big thing, and every emotion. Talk to the people that you got a problem with first. If that don't work, then you go and show out. But to give give grace to people, give grace to people, give grace to yourself and stop over sharing. Until next time, listen up, speak wisely, and protect your peace. A podcast brought to you by Reader Group. Make sure you shop with me. Um, we are not currently taking online orders, but you can email or DM any of your orders that you see on the website that's in stock. Um, we will be bringing new items uh in 2027 once we revamp. It's been a long road, and I appreciate everybody that has shopped with me, everybody that supports me. Reader Group also offers consulting services to women who are re-entering the world, whether it be from transitional centers, prison uh shelters, or you just starting over emptiness and then you want to start your business, reach out to Reader Group. Let me help you build your plan and offer you consulting services. Um, you can book at readergroup.com for your session, your one-on-one personal live sessions. And I really believe, I really truly believe, uh, based on what works for me, what has worked for me, and what's worked for my clients in the past, that this is something that you can benefit from. So please um don't be afraid to say you need help. I don't often share my customer reviews, but um if they want to, they have that option. But I believe in allowing people to share their own good news sometimes, unless they say, hey, you're welcome to post this, you're welcome to share this, because it's not gonna make or break the business. Uh, we do need advertisement, we do need networking, we do need exposure. But when you're good at what you do and you believe in what you do and God is in what you do, you ain't gotta overshare it. You I go months and months sometimes and um won't post my book, and I resurface it because God has already done his big one, and I know that there's plenty more where that comes from. I don't have to tell people where I where I go, what I'm dating, um, who I'm dating, or what I got going on. I and you know, it's a real problem for me, and it's gonna be the end of this segment this morning. Why do people share their bank statements and their credit scores? And honey, you can have a 400 credit score and have plenty of money in the bank. You can have an 800 credit score and have no money in the bank. I don't know why y'all have gotten so engulfed in believing that one absolutely plays into the other. That's a society we have been sold into. Don't believe the hype. I know plenty, plenty millionaires that got badass credit and they done filed bankruptcy millions and millions of time. Their credit scores in the garbage, but they got plenty of money. So what what are we doing here? That's another whole topic. But stop over sharing. That's your girl Keith. That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it. I'm out. Y'all tune in next time to run your podcast where I'm bringing you news you can use. Everything I talk about has substance, and it may or may not affect the black community, but I guarantee you it'll open up your eyes and make you say hmm. And the audio trap outs. That's me. Tune in next time. Have a good one.